I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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