pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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