My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
