So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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