why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
