just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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