Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
