apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
