Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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