I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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