I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That's how pantless uber rides happen
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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