The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
