i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
