I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
this is an emotional support booty call
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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