I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
