I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
