i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
