New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
