If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
