I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
