I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
