I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
