I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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