Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How does it feel to date your dad?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
