Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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