i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
