dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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