Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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