It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
