yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
