Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
