and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
