I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
