Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
