sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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