what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
