I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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