Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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