You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you win again, gameday.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
