the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
