Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
