I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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