I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
