We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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