i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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