I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
