We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
