ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
