theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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