JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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