I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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